This is the regular end of the year talk about that mythological beast people call “writer’s block”
That mind-fucking Medusa that’s allegedly turning your creativity into stone while your muse drinks Mai Tais in Maui with your motivation.
PLOT TWIST: It’s all horseshit.
(Yeah, I said it. Come at me with your artisanal fountain pens and vintage Moleskines.)
I’ve got a cute one with a little lego patch on and I can stick things on it, so yeah I guess you’re jealous, now eh?
But here’s a little meat-marinated truth sandwich, served with a side of wake-the-fuck-up sauce…
Writer’s block is about as real as Shakespeare’s Twitter account or my chances of winning “Britain’s Next Top Productivity Guru.” What you’re actually experiencing is one of these shit-shellacked situations:
- Your brain is playing Pokemon Go with your anxiety
- Depression is sitting on your face like a narcoleptic elephant (Definitely not the type of sexy thing you were probably thing that involves, never mind…)
- Your inner editor has gone full Dictator Mode™ (now with 100% more self-loathing!)
- You’re afraid of writing hot garbage (NEWSFLASH: we all write hot garbage and I mean I write hell of a lot of hot garbage.)
“But Stephen,” you whimper into your fourth cup of coffee, “I can’t even get out of bed, let alone write the next Great American Novel!”
THAT’S EXACTLY WHEN YOU SHOULD BE WRITING.
Think of writing like a constipated dragon.
Sometimes all you need is one tiny spark to get things moving. (Sorry for that image. Actually, no I’m not.)
Here’s your depression-proof battle plan on the days where your creativity told you to eat shit:
- Write ONE sentence. Just one. Even if it’s “Fuck this day with a rusty spork.”
- Write it BADLY. Channel your inner drunken raccoon trying to write poetry while wearing oven mitts.
- Write in BED. Your laptop knows what it signed up for.
- Write ANYTHING. Grocery lists. Hate mail to your writer’s block. Fanfiction about your coffee maker.
The thing about writing when your brain is being a spectacular asshole, is it’s like doing push-ups with your creativity. Every word is a middle finger that ripples out into the distance. Every sentence is a tiny revolution against the darkness you feel your self getting sucked in to.
(And yes, I just compared writing to exercise. I’m as disappointed in me as you are.)
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! (RIP BILLY MAYS)
The secret sauce, the holy grail, the philosophical butter on this truth sandwich is this:
Writing isn’t about waiting for inspiration to descend like some kind of muse-shaped UberEats delivery. It’s about showing up, day after day, even when your brain feels like it’s been replaced with expired cottage cheese.
Remember this from some of my favourite writers:
- Hemingway wrote hungover
- Mary Shelley wrote while grieving
- Kafka wrote with crushing anxiety
- I’m writing this while my coffee maker judges me silently
The point isn’t to write well. The point is to write AT ALL.
Think of each word as a tiny light in the darkness, like a firefly with a drinking problem – it might not be flying straight, but it’s still making light, dammit.
Now, get your ass in that chair (or stay in bed, I’m not your mom) and write something. Anything. Even if it’s just:
“Dear Writer’s Block,
Eat a bag of dicks.
Sincerely,
Me”
Because that’s still writing,That’s still moving the needle. That’s still telling your brain-demons to go fuck themselves with a thesaurus.
One last thing to remember is, writer’s block can’t read. But you can write. And that’s your superpower.
(And if anyone asks, tell them your unhinged writing coach said it was okay.)
Now go out and ART HARDER
Stephen Walker
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Stephen Walker
Unit 146317
PO Box 7169
Poole
BH15 9EL
United Kingdom